Hell!?

Hello Dear Sisters!
I just read a FANTASTIC article on hell.  It is so helpful as a foundation.  I  have thought of this quite a bit of late, espcially with the whole Rob Bell scandle (if you don't know he has been a prominante grace focused teacher and preacher for the past 10 years who recently wrote a book called Love Wins that is reported to be unbibilicaly based regarding an after death chance to gain salvation so that basicly all humans will be saved.)  And while his proposal sound ideal and fluffy and happy as you can see in this article that would not be justice.

 I love the authors paraphrase of C.S. Lewis that says either we say, "Thy will be done" to Yahweh or he saying "Thy will be done" to us, wow!  This was so helpful with some very real questions I have had.  I hope you find it equally enlightening.  I also loved the quote regarding authority, "Satan does not rule hell".  I have had a misconception of that for 31 years.

 I was thinking about Satan and what he is doing here on earth and I realized there are no redeeming qualities to him.  I know that is silly but it just really hit me.  He is bereft of anything good.  His existence is comprised of all the awful emotions you have ever experienced guilt, fear, hate ,rage, vengeance, jealously, resentment etc.  He exists and lives in a reality without Yahweh.

Also, having another realization.  I have been watching How I Met Your Mother.  There are some really funny things in there but I also am realizing how real the characters have become to me and I'm not sure that is a good thing.  While I was reading this article I was thinking about there responses to this article. . .as theirs are not the most bibilicaly sound beliefs perhaps I need to reevaluate my watching them.  Not sure going to talk with Kevan about it, he is coming home for lunch, yeah.   Love, prayers and thoughts to each of you today.

hil

Ps. is anyone reading these?

http://theresurgence.com/2011/03/14/to-hell-with-hell

Being a woman, being a Christian

Rough day today, would love your prayers.  Kev and I had a bad disagreement last night related to sex and romance.   We haven’t discussed it because we knew it was best to wait until we were both rested, well at least that’s what I was thinking.  Argggg, marriage is so tough, especially, having been gone for 3 months.  I have changed so much and seen things that I want to change and now I’m back to a normal life and nothing else has changed but me.   

I am trying to be conscious of the fact that we are all busy and not write too much but I have to get this thought out because it is powerful and I feel causing a lot of confusion in me.   

Last fall I did a lot of work with domestic violence.  One of the first things I did was attended a 12 hour workshop on DV.  During that  I realized I had experienced emotional abuse at the hands of an old boyfriend.  That made me angry and was the motivation for several paradigm shifts. I also did some work for an abuse shelter and joined a womans lib lunch group (I was invited by a really sweet woman and was hoping to make some friends).  We didn't talk about bombing anything just life and our experiences.  I felt at home and empowerd.  I started to see some of the oppression that happens to women.  I saw it in my work and in some of the conversations I had with religious people. 

The program director at STW said many times we should not have to apologize for our emotions or for feeling what we feel. She said we as woman apologize for ourselves far too much.  We apologize for being us! 

 I also connected a lot with the Deaf community over being Deaf and oppressed because I saw that as a woman I have experienced and do experience some of that oppression.  Not to the same extent but it is there.  I also realized that one of the major ways the Lord showed me Kev was for me when we were talking about marriage was that he treated me as an equal.  He respect me and didn’t expect me to fill a specific roll just because I was a woman.  So even though I didn't realize it this idea runs deep!

I’ve been having some really major talks with Yahweh of late.  I’ve been doubting a lot and trying to work on that hence “The List”.  One of the major things I have seen with oppressed groups is often they  don’t recognize they are oppressed  and they view there oppressors with fondness, respect and even love unknowingly supporting their lesser rank.  If you ask them about the oppressor they will state something that does not seem congruent with their experience.  Now here is the thing that has hit me. It  is a little bit disconnected but hopefully you can follow my thought process :).   I know a LOT of Christians who talk about God and quote scripture and say all these things but when you look at their life they are “oppressed”  they are bound up in anger, fear, guilt, hate etc.  They witness to their friends and talk about God all the time but they are not free and they don’t even know it!

So my question is:  am I them?

There are things about Christianity that don’t work. . .I don’t think this statement is heretical I think the things that don’t work are cultural and social and have nothing to do with Biblical truth but we are entrenched in them.  In our minds they are what Christians do and that is why we are tied up in behaviors, patterns and expectations that blind us to the Truth that is right in front of us.  

Thus my deep question is Am I them?  If the answer is yes how do I find freedom?  If the answer is no  how do I help them?  I think the answer is sometimes. . .

hil

The List

Remember when I said I was questioning deep things.  Things I’ve always believed.  I have made up a short list of the things I need to study.  The things I am currently struggling with and I have included resources for said questions.  If there is anything additionally you can add please post.

The authority of scripture:

                (knowing the history, translations etc of scripture)

Why, what and how  prayer :

                reading a book on prayer by Ron Auch ( book by Philip Yancy after this) and prayingJ

Gays and Lesbian lifestyles:

                 scripture, find books that address the biblical response.  I am not satisfied with the information               I have and I really struggle with the stance many say I have to believe.  I know a lot of wonderful      people.  I don’t believe that I should hate or fear and I know that is not what the Bible says.  I need more.

Miracles

                 book written by C.S. Lewis and Craig S Keener ( focus on healing)

Heaven

                 what is it and do I really want to go?

Second coming

                (Daniel and Revelations) ask my theologian friends and professors for more resources.

The History of denominations. 

                A less imperative question but I do feel it is important to know the history of our faith and the   purpose and power of each denomination.

 I am going to begin with the most obvious the foundation of scripture because if I doubt this the rest is obsolete.  I have two friends who are deep academic theologians,  scholars and believers.  Both read  Greek  and Hebrew.  I am going to email them and ask for some resources.

A note: Three years ago I was feeling good I recognized the signs of growth and change.  However,  I would have very strong doubts at times and feel uncomfortable with them.   One day I felt as though Yahweh said to me, “ your doubts are fine, they mean you are not stuck.  I want you to doubt because it means that you are growing.” 

My problem: my study has not kept up with my devotion.  As my thoughts and ideas have broadened I have not gone deeper into an understanding of my foundation.  I know the list seems scary and there have been moments when I have feared I am in danger of not believing but I know the key for me after writing this and really looking at it is that I have neglected deep theological study.  As it is the foundation and I have developed a great deal from just believing what people tell me, a good thing.  I have to maintain a balance of study AND devotion both are paramount to a healthy belief system.

And thus one of my prayers is answered.  Yahweh has given me a roadmap and sisters to keep me from sitting in the ditch whining.  I know this is going to be uncomfortable  thanks for being the type of women who won’t coddle me but challenge me to keep going.

Love and prayers for each of you today

.

Please be praying for us.  We are again attempting to start a family.  We told Kev’s mom a year ago we would have the gift she's always wanted for her next year on Mother’s Day.  I know Yahweh has a plan and I would really like for it to be me pregnant this Mothers DayJ.

Let me know how I can pray for you today.

Love,

h

Jenny's post, posted by Hillary because it's on my computer:)

Oh Hillary. You have such deep thoughts.  This year I have had so much time alone – far more than I ever would have desired. I started a new teaching job in July and since it is a year-around schedule (only this year) I have had several three or four week breaks throughout the year.  I think that those periods of rest have been good, but they have also shown me some versions of myself that are slightly unpleasant.  During the “crazy times” when I am teaching and flying around – life is like a merry-go-round.  When it finally stops I start to analyze the person that I was showing to the world. I desperately want my students to feel valued – through my words, actions, and unspoken looks.  I know that so many times I try to do all this on my own and come to the end of my day even more frustrated. 

So, I think that now I realize that I cannot “save” my students, but I can pray for them, ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me and use me, and that I need to keep doing things that feed and revitalize my spirit – like running, reading spiritual books, and drawing.  Then I have to let God make up the rest. Because, it is only through God that I can truly bless others.

Blessings - Jenny

Schange

“Life is not about any particular achievement or experience.  The most important task of your life is not what you do, but who you become.”

“The world badly needs wise and flourishing human beings , and we are called to bring God’s wisdom and glory to the world.  The truth is, those who flourish always bring blessing to other—and they can do so in the most unexpected and humble circumstances.”

“You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project.  Your life is God’s project.  God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be.  He has many good works for you to do, but they are not the kind of “to do” list we give spouses or employees.  They are sign posts to your true self.”

“Your spiritual life is not limited to certain devotional activities that you engage in.  It is receiving power from the Spirit of God to become the person God had in mind when he created you—his handiwork.”

I’m not sure what to write or how to start this out.  I have many thoughts especially about the above.  I must admit that at this point in my life I feel as though my hands are empty and the things I have always done the “spiritual life” things lay bare and empty before me.

 I have questions.  I have doubts that scare me.  I look at things I have always thought and ask myself why—which leaves me feeling unsure and terrified to look deeper.  I believe the problem is for several years I have drifted away from a foundation of scripture, more than several.  I am not sure how to find a new foundation.  I am in the land of rediscovery and I feel as though there is no map.  

More and more I have come to realize that the questions I have cannot be answered by anyone but me.  I have to search for them.  I have to search the scripture, know the scripture and ask Yahweh for guidance.  No one can tell me what my life should look like.  There is no pattern to follow given by others, no hail mary’s to be said.  It is me and a road ahead.

However I also recognized after reading the quote Jen posted, that spurred this all on, I will never succeed on that journey of spiritual self discovery without others to encourage me to continue the search.   We each have our own journey to make but we also have each other to help us get up and not quite when we want to

 Thank you for doing this with me.  I love each of you dearly and pray this is one of the sign posts to your true self.  I pray we each discover and put on “The me we have always wanted to be”. 

Love,

hil

A question that I would like to ask myself this week and honestly answer:

 Am I growing more easily discouraged these days?

Am I growing more easily irritated these days?

A beautiful wild morning

Good morning dear friends. I know you probably haven't looked at this blog yet but I am so excited to start I decided I would write a bit today. I am leaving town at 2:00am headed to a conference Deaf Studies Today. I will be seeing one or your dear faces (Jenny).

 I wrote this just a few minutes ago: The wind is raging outside.  I felt like I was sleeping on the beach it waved and roiled and crashed over our house as it slowly woke me from a peaceful slumber.  Now as it wails through the cracks of the doors and windows, I just want to hunker down ensconced in a warm blanket, the strong warmth from a cup of chi radiating into my cupped hands.

The Book

If God has a perfect vision for our lives, why does spiritual growth seem so difficult? Pastor and bestselling author John Ortberg has some intriguing answers to that question, and, in The Me I Want to Be, has organized his thoughts and God’s words into a straightforward and timely guide for living our best life. Through the campaign materials, Ortberg urges us to recognize our brokenness, to understand that God is the project manager, and to follow God’s directions. Ortberg also helps us gauge our spiritual health and measure the gap between where we are now and where God intends us to be.

Oh to grow. . .

‎"I desperately wanted to know Him through the depths of His Word, but I fear that left alone in the pursuit, the tyranny of daily life and the harassment of the Enemy would have eventually caused me to lose heart and go lite. With you along the road, I'm accountable. I can't just twist my ankle and sit in the ditch and whine for the next month. I have to shake it off and get back up and walk. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing, isn't it? And it's God's way. He did not mean for us to do this alone. He meant for us to sit next to one another, even hundreds of miles apart, point at His Word, and say 'Did you see that?'"

-Beth Moore
(Mercy Triumphs Study)