But remember someone controls the river

"We do not just drift into becoming the best version of ourselves." pg23.  As Jenny can attest I had a huge freak out day yesterday.  No need to go into the details but I have really been struggling with fear of the unknown and uncontrolled.  Kev and I are trying to start a family and it feels like my body is not cooperating. Today, as I sat and thought on Yahweh I read a little bit in the book and then just sat and prayed.  I was thinking I need a scripture to meditate on this week.  I was reading a scripture and when I really looked at it and focused on what it was actually saying it was exactly what I needed

Ps. 145:5-7:
O Lord, may I never lack desire to speak of Your glorious splendor and Your wonderful works, declaring your greatness from one generation to the next.  May I proclaim and celebrate the power of Your awe-inspiring works, giving testimony of Your great goodness and joyfully singing of your righteousness.

My best version of me is not losing sight of him in all my attempts to be better.  Indeed, it is turning to him and recognizing as Jenny said this morning to me.  "He gave us a brain to think but he is the source of our protection. "  He is the source of change in my life.  I recently read this question.  If you were to write a song today, what words and phrases would you want to employ?

Mine: You hear my voice, you see me, you give me grace,  who am I? you made me, you create healthy whole people, I trust you.

Rest

I cannot believe the importance of rest. Last week was such an incredible time of rest and peace for me. I had a break from school and all my work responsibilities. I planted a garden and worked the soil. I got more sun exposure last week then I have had since last September. I was reading Maragaret Feinberg's blog just now and she mentioned the ripple effect of the lack of sleep. That when we don't get enough sleep we are only a pale version of our true selves. This week I am going to work hard at getting enough sleep and being very intentional about. God bless ladies and happy reading and sleeping. Jenny J.

new thngs

ok, so this whole "blogging thing" very new and kind of scary, but Hillary i'm doing it!!!
so i read the 1st chapter and i'm super excited to see where the rest the book will go, and also where all of are blogging will go. i just want to high light some and see what you both think.
so i really liked how he kept saying my uniqueness is God-designed, very cool. also a big part i liked is  i've heard  that God doesn't make junk! and i agree. but he worded it so simple it was like  eye opening. he said, God doesn't make anything and then decide to throw it away. He creates, and then, if there is a problem, He rescues!! OHH!! i love that.   ok, also the 2 questions: Am i growing more easily discouraged these days?  Am i growing more easily irritated  these days.
i would say the 1st more then the 2nd, i've been thinking so i'm going to be 30 this month, and what am i doing with my life, how come i feel like my life is the same as it was 4 years ago when i got married, but also  i don't like change too, so i get frustrated cause i don't know what the balance is.

My Monvee Assesment

LEARNING
Learning preferences describe how
people work and how they work
best together. When we
understand the preferences and
strengths of a team, we can create
environments and situations that
maximize productivity and
enjoyment.
If you have a strong social style,
you communicate well with people,
both verbally and non-verbally.
People listen to you or come to you
for advice, and you are sensitive to
their motivations, feelings, or
moods. You listen well and
understand other’s views. You may
enjoy mentoring or counseling
others. You like to spend much
one-on-one time with a teacher or
an instructor. You heighten your
learning by bouncing your thoughts
off other people and listening to
how they respond. You prefer to
work through issues, ideas, and
problems with a group.
You thoroughly enjoy working with
a “clicking” or synergistic group of
people. You prefer to stay around
after class and talk with others.
You prefer social activities, rather
than doing your own thing. You
typically enjoy playing games that
involve other people, such as card
games and board games. The
same applies to team sports such
as football or soccer, basketball,
baseball, volleyball, and hockey.
Here are some other phrases that
exemplify your learning style:
Let’s work together on this.
We can work it out.
Tell me what you are thinking.
Help me understand this.
Let’s pull some people together to
discuss.
Let’s explore our options. Learning
and techniques
If you are a social learner, aim to
work with others as much as
possible. Learning in a less
structured small group setting is
ideal for someone like you.

PATHWAY

People on the Creation Pathway
have a passionate ability to
connect with God when they are
experiencing the world He made.
Being outdoors replenishes and
energizes them. If they are cooped
up inside too long their soul starts
to feel stale. They see God in the
spectacular but also in the
everyday outside world. People on
this pathway need to spend large
chunks of time outdoors, often
praying or meditating. These
people need to guard against using
this pathway as an escape when
people disappoint. They also need
to guard against thinking that they
don’t need the church because
they can worship God alone in


nature.

PERSONALITY
David was passionate, strong,
creative, and loved. He was the
king of Israel for forty years, and
the Bible describes David as a man
after God's own heart (1 Samuel
13:14). David was promised that
the Savior of the world would be
his descendant. David was a
shepherd, musician, worshipper,
and courageous warrior. He trusted
in the sovereignty of God, evident
by his decision to face a giant as a
kid. He survived the chase of a
mad king, defended his people
against many nations, and
prevailed against an attempted
coup from one of his own sons. He
wrote poems and songs of worship
that fill the book of Psalms in the
Bible. Despite lapses in his
judgment and moral behavior,
David pursued godliness and
faithfulness throughout his life. He
left a lasting legacy of bold faith
and obedience.
If you have a David personality,
you are warm, compassionate,
intuitive, and expressive. You love
the stillness and quiet. Creativity is
your lifeblood and you have the
ability to feel things deeply.
However, you can be plagued with

self-doubt. You are motivated to
search and to find your identity in
order to express who you are and
find meaning and significance. You
surround yourself with things that
you think are compelling and
beautiful.
For you, to create is to live!
Establishing a true, honest, and
unique persona is important to you.
Because you have the capacity to
see what others miss, you
sometimes feel out of the
mainstream and mistakenly feel
less competent socially.
Sometimes this power to
empathize and see the uncommon
thread in things can lead you to
see yourself as one of a kind.
You are abundantly and intuitively
creative, expressing the personal
and the universal, possibly in a
work of art. You are inspired,
self-renewing, and regenerating.
You have an uncanny ability to turn
ordinary life experiences into
something profound and valuable.
At your best, you are honest with
yourself and those around you.
You can address an issue,
problem, or feeling without
overreacting and without others
feeling like you are being
patronizing. You love to discover
the truth in each experience. When
you are at your best, you are
looking for God and His creative
power even in tough situations,
conflicts, and mistakes. You are
able to heighten reality through
passionate feelings and
imagination.
Harnessing your feelings can be
hard for you and when you cannot
control them, you are prone to
blame and hold grudges. In these
times, it is wise to trust God in your
hurts and to allow him to make
things right. Try to separate godly
conviction from undue anger at
yourself. Move toward right thinking
and wise living by reading Psalms
and Proverbs and refuse to get
stuck in the past. If you become
attached to longing and
disappointment, you may not be
able to recognize the many
treasures in your life.
You have the tendency to become
envious of another person’s talent,
success, good fortune, wealth,
recognition, honor, or advantages.
You can become preoccupied with
a sense of discontent that is
primarily based on what others
have. Unlike covetousness or
greed, envy is fundamentally
comparative in nature.
If you are like David, here are
some thoughts for you:
- Because you are a creative at
heart, find ways to make some of
the things you must do in your
everyday life fun, creative, and
playful.
- If the work you do for an income
is not particularly creative, be sure
to take regular portions of your free
time for ideas that you have to take
hold.
- It is very important for you to
develop a good habit of sleep,
eating, exercise, and work. Be
disciplined in these four areas.
They will make a huge difference in
your life.
- Remind yourself of this truth: God
has made you perfectly and has
given you everything you need.
You are capable and
loveable—just as you are.
- You must address your tendency
to be envious head-on! First, make
a list of things that you are grateful
for. Write it big, then post that list
where you see it every day. Next,
list some things you admire in
someone else around you. Over
the next year, work to develop
those same qualities in yourself.
- For more about your personality
type take a look at Chapter 9 of
Frequency by Monvee co-founders
Eric Parks and Casey Bankord
Job, Sarah, Hagar, Leah, and Eve.
You are sociable and expressive,
sometimes flamboyant.
You are insightful, idealistic, and
often more interested in the world
of imagination than in everyday life.
You are emotionally sensitive,
empathic, and warm.
You are more impulsive, indecisive,
and adaptable.



CAN"T WAIT TO SEE YOURS.
What do you think of mine? What did they get right? Anything you disagree with?  I don't necessarily think creation is my pathway I was thinking more of alone time as being my pathway:).

Too Much!

So here I sit with piles of things all around me.  I remember looking in my closet the other day and noticing my dresser full of jewelry and being ashamed at all the “junk” I have cramed into my tiny apartment.  My apartment is an indication of my life.  Jenny and I were praying the other day and she encouraged me and said that my passion for "diving in" is a strength.  It was such a blessing to get a perspective of me from outside of me.  And it really blessed me.  But I also felt the tugging of the Lord when this was read at the women’s luncheon on Monday.

John 15:1 I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.

I am currently: A wife, A Christ –Follower, An athlete, A volunteer, A researcher, A friend, A sister, A daughter, a grand-daughter, A worship leader, A cook, A cleaner, A theologian, An interpreter, A student, A seeker,  A crafter, An artist, A reader , An educator, A book club member, , A belly dancer,  A belly dancer in a community troupe, A leader of a  belly dance troupe, and a citizen.

This is what struck me yesterday.  It says, “He prunes so it will be even more fruitful.”  With my limited  understanding of gardening , Jenny let me know if I’m wrongJ,  part of pruning is cutting back good branches so the vines energy will not be overextended.  And that struck me.  Long ago I read a book about teaching and it asked about four quadrants of our life and what we are doing to learn and grow in each: spiritual, emotional, physical and mental.  I would also add social.   So at the time I had these four quadrants and I listed what I felt  God has given me in each of these area.  Or what am I doing in each of these areas.  It changed my perspective and my life.  I saw two things: first that I was already doing a great deal when I felt like I was “wasting” my life (waiting for those amazing things everyone told me I was going to do when I grew up) and second that God wants to work on me holistically.

 Maybe you are rocking the spiritual quadrant but neglecting the physical or social.  Then that is where some of your extra energy should be focused.  Still to this day when I feel stuck I will make a list of my different known roles within each quadrent.   And so now it is time that I do that again and allow him to prune back some of the good things in my life so that I will be even more fruitful.

Love to each of you,

Hil

My Holistic Health Plan

Hello dear ladies, 

Kev and I had a really tough conversation yesterday.  I have noticed a strong sense of resentment about his lack of follow through on his goal of losing 30 lbs.  I have had multiple nights since I got home where I lay in bed and just roal at him in my head composing nasty and pointed diatribes.  I know that is not okay and so yesterday I tried to discuss my concern with him.  It started out well and he was open and honest but I'm not sure if it ended well, time will tell.  We have had this conversation more then once.

One thing I did learn while away was that sometimes discomfort is key to change.  If we are comfortable we will never change.  I tried to approach him with love and making it about me but also not let him make excuses. I don't know that I did well but I do know I had to say something and not bottle it up.  I really believe his weight is effecting every aspect of his life.  He is tired all the time, he doesn't sleep well, he doesn't have any energy, he doesn't breath well.  I also believe it affect peoples perception of him.  As a professional in a human service job that is based heavily on perception I think it is a huge factor.  There are also the long term risks the longer he maintains a heavier weight the more at risk he is for long term health problems which really concerns me.   So I said something, not well and not perfect but I pray effective.

 In the end I said I can only take care of me.  I know I have a food and shopping addiction that I need to start working on again.  I will do that and hope that creates an environment where he can work on his things.  The below is my desire to get back in to taking care of myself.  I did this with a friend for three months and lost 10 lbs and had a much healthier view mentally, spiritually and physically.  I am hoping you may each be willing to hold me accountable and you can join me if you like.

I love this as it is structured enough to feel productive,   flexible enough to be realistic and simple enough not to overwhelm.  I have written down 5 goals for the week and some evaluation questions for the end of the week.  The first two goals remain the same each week.  The next three change based on where I feel the Lord is leading me.

These three rules are my overall guides for the month that help me keep some of my problem areas in check.

Friday is my crave night.  If I have had a craving all week and still have it on Friday I will eat it then.  

I will only eat fried food once a month, including fried chips (I keep forgetting those should count).    

If I eat out I will use the restaurant survival  guide or the nutritional values menu to make a smart choice. 

These are my weekly goals for May 7th - 13th.

1. Follow spark people (for diet) 1200- 1700 calories
2. Exercise at least 3 times/keep running journal (40 min x 3;4 X 30; 5 X 20 or 6 X 15)
3. Read scripture/study theological matters/write in spiritual blog 15 minutes (X5)
4. Write down any money I spend in planner (withdraw my allowance for May)
5. Make a list of my  job duties here at home and have days of the week dedicated to completing them.  Begin to follow list.

(Here is how it works if you want to try. Each goal counts for 5 points if I complete them at the end of the week I will have 25 points.  There are makeup activities if I miss one so I can still reach my goal. ie. Read a healthy article and share it with two people, get someone else to exercise with me, write a letter to a friend I have been intending to for 3 months etc.  The goal is holistic health.   At the end of the month we determine who has "won" (though I think we all won:) based on level of involvement (25%), weight loss/inches (50%) and a vote from all of us (25%).If your goal does not need to be weight loss we can determine another factor that can be the 50% for you.

Below is how I check in with my goals each day.  I just write yes if I accomplished that goal that day.

1. Follow spark people (for diet) 1200- 1700 calories
Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

2. Exercise at least 3 times (40 min x 3;4 X 30; 5 X 20 or 6 X 15)
Monday: 30 minutes of running
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

3. Read scripture/study theological matters/write in spiritual blog 15 minutes (X5)
Monday: Yes
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

4. Write down any money I spend in planner (withdraw my allowance for May)

Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

5. Make a list of my  job duties here at home and have days of the week dedicated to completing them.  Begin to follow list.
Monday:
Tuesday:

Wednesday:

Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:

How do I feel physically emotionally, spiritually today?

Monday: I feel tired and a little melancholy but I am excited to be starting back on this journey.       Concerned about Ragnar and if I am going to be able to actually complete it. Spiritually, avoident as usual.
Tuesday:
Wedneday:
Thursday:
Friday:
Saturday:
Sunday:


This week:

Did I push myself too much?

Did I push myself too little?

What other factors contributed to my success or struggles this week?

What area of my life am I most proud of this week?

What did I struggle with the most this week and do I know why I seemed to struggle with it this week?

What revelation, insight or lesson did I learn this week?

How can I improve or maintain for next week?

Total points: 0/25

I OWE $ (0)
Energy Level: Moderate
Resting Heart rate: 60
Inches: chest-  waist-  thigh- arm-
Weight: 162 last week down from 166. I forgot to weigh this morning.  Will tomorrow.
% loss to date:
Total Steps (er, pounds) in the right direction: 3 lbs

Being You-ier

What scripture are you meditation on?  I must confess that I don't have a scripture at the moment.  I must confess I have not for a long time.  That needs to change.  I want to focus on the life of Jesus, I think.   Perhaps that is the struggle there is so much in there I can't decide where to start.  Let me think on this and I will get back to you.

This week: I attended a national day of prayer service yesterday.  It was interesting.  Also, I had my yoga instructor from last year asked to meet with me.  She said she had seizures as a child and stuttered a lot and now sometimes she is afraid to speak because she fears it might not come out right.  She asked me to help her.  Turns out she had been looking for me even going into the book store here knowing I had spoken with and connected to Tyler the owner.  I told her I didn't know if I could help but I would be willing to meet with her.  We met on Wednesday.  She said I feel that you are a healer. . .that really struck me.  And meant a lot to me.  We talked for several hours.  It seemed to go very well.

This is one of the big aha moments I had while at STW that I shared with her.  One thing I learned was that I am so good at looking at others perspectives.  All my life I have been busy trying to see the situation from others experiences, involvement, emotions, investments etc.  This year I realized that that is great but the problem is I forget to look at it from MY perspective.  I forget to ask what do I think about this,  how does this make ME feel.  Which is a huge problem because we have to have a "shelf" a "framework" from which our experiences can be organized.  I think often Protestant Christianity has emphasized an idea so heavily as to getting it unbalanced and is the idea of being dependent on Jesus for everything.  Ahh I know that is a scary statement but I think about some of the things I've heard or said I am scum, I am a wretch, I am nothing etc.  Those are TRUE but once we are REDEEMED we are the vehicle by which God does his work.  It is not just Jesus but Jesus + me.  Which means that who I am, my thoughts, talents, abilities, skills, passions, imagination everything once REDEEMED is as Yahweh would say GOOD.  So it is wrong of me to declare what he has called good nothing, worthless or moot.  I am relevant and redeemed I am powerful, strong, beautiful.  This is not arrogance it is acknowledgment.  It is yet another form of worship and the hardest of all because it means we have stepped from powerlessness into power.  NOW we must find ourselves, we must let him show us and then we must SHINE and FLAVOR.

Exercise: Tell me 5 things that make you smile about you?

Hell!?

Hello Dear Sisters!
I just read a FANTASTIC article on hell.  It is so helpful as a foundation.  I  have thought of this quite a bit of late, espcially with the whole Rob Bell scandle (if you don't know he has been a prominante grace focused teacher and preacher for the past 10 years who recently wrote a book called Love Wins that is reported to be unbibilicaly based regarding an after death chance to gain salvation so that basicly all humans will be saved.)  And while his proposal sound ideal and fluffy and happy as you can see in this article that would not be justice.

 I love the authors paraphrase of C.S. Lewis that says either we say, "Thy will be done" to Yahweh or he saying "Thy will be done" to us, wow!  This was so helpful with some very real questions I have had.  I hope you find it equally enlightening.  I also loved the quote regarding authority, "Satan does not rule hell".  I have had a misconception of that for 31 years.

 I was thinking about Satan and what he is doing here on earth and I realized there are no redeeming qualities to him.  I know that is silly but it just really hit me.  He is bereft of anything good.  His existence is comprised of all the awful emotions you have ever experienced guilt, fear, hate ,rage, vengeance, jealously, resentment etc.  He exists and lives in a reality without Yahweh.

Also, having another realization.  I have been watching How I Met Your Mother.  There are some really funny things in there but I also am realizing how real the characters have become to me and I'm not sure that is a good thing.  While I was reading this article I was thinking about there responses to this article. . .as theirs are not the most bibilicaly sound beliefs perhaps I need to reevaluate my watching them.  Not sure going to talk with Kevan about it, he is coming home for lunch, yeah.   Love, prayers and thoughts to each of you today.

hil

Ps. is anyone reading these?

http://theresurgence.com/2011/03/14/to-hell-with-hell

Being a woman, being a Christian

Rough day today, would love your prayers.  Kev and I had a bad disagreement last night related to sex and romance.   We haven’t discussed it because we knew it was best to wait until we were both rested, well at least that’s what I was thinking.  Argggg, marriage is so tough, especially, having been gone for 3 months.  I have changed so much and seen things that I want to change and now I’m back to a normal life and nothing else has changed but me.   

I am trying to be conscious of the fact that we are all busy and not write too much but I have to get this thought out because it is powerful and I feel causing a lot of confusion in me.   

Last fall I did a lot of work with domestic violence.  One of the first things I did was attended a 12 hour workshop on DV.  During that  I realized I had experienced emotional abuse at the hands of an old boyfriend.  That made me angry and was the motivation for several paradigm shifts. I also did some work for an abuse shelter and joined a womans lib lunch group (I was invited by a really sweet woman and was hoping to make some friends).  We didn't talk about bombing anything just life and our experiences.  I felt at home and empowerd.  I started to see some of the oppression that happens to women.  I saw it in my work and in some of the conversations I had with religious people. 

The program director at STW said many times we should not have to apologize for our emotions or for feeling what we feel. She said we as woman apologize for ourselves far too much.  We apologize for being us! 

 I also connected a lot with the Deaf community over being Deaf and oppressed because I saw that as a woman I have experienced and do experience some of that oppression.  Not to the same extent but it is there.  I also realized that one of the major ways the Lord showed me Kev was for me when we were talking about marriage was that he treated me as an equal.  He respect me and didn’t expect me to fill a specific roll just because I was a woman.  So even though I didn't realize it this idea runs deep!

I’ve been having some really major talks with Yahweh of late.  I’ve been doubting a lot and trying to work on that hence “The List”.  One of the major things I have seen with oppressed groups is often they  don’t recognize they are oppressed  and they view there oppressors with fondness, respect and even love unknowingly supporting their lesser rank.  If you ask them about the oppressor they will state something that does not seem congruent with their experience.  Now here is the thing that has hit me. It  is a little bit disconnected but hopefully you can follow my thought process :).   I know a LOT of Christians who talk about God and quote scripture and say all these things but when you look at their life they are “oppressed”  they are bound up in anger, fear, guilt, hate etc.  They witness to their friends and talk about God all the time but they are not free and they don’t even know it!

So my question is:  am I them?

There are things about Christianity that don’t work. . .I don’t think this statement is heretical I think the things that don’t work are cultural and social and have nothing to do with Biblical truth but we are entrenched in them.  In our minds they are what Christians do and that is why we are tied up in behaviors, patterns and expectations that blind us to the Truth that is right in front of us.  

Thus my deep question is Am I them?  If the answer is yes how do I find freedom?  If the answer is no  how do I help them?  I think the answer is sometimes. . .

hil

The List

Remember when I said I was questioning deep things.  Things I’ve always believed.  I have made up a short list of the things I need to study.  The things I am currently struggling with and I have included resources for said questions.  If there is anything additionally you can add please post.

The authority of scripture:

                (knowing the history, translations etc of scripture)

Why, what and how  prayer :

                reading a book on prayer by Ron Auch ( book by Philip Yancy after this) and prayingJ

Gays and Lesbian lifestyles:

                 scripture, find books that address the biblical response.  I am not satisfied with the information               I have and I really struggle with the stance many say I have to believe.  I know a lot of wonderful      people.  I don’t believe that I should hate or fear and I know that is not what the Bible says.  I need more.

Miracles

                 book written by C.S. Lewis and Craig S Keener ( focus on healing)

Heaven

                 what is it and do I really want to go?

Second coming

                (Daniel and Revelations) ask my theologian friends and professors for more resources.

The History of denominations. 

                A less imperative question but I do feel it is important to know the history of our faith and the   purpose and power of each denomination.

 I am going to begin with the most obvious the foundation of scripture because if I doubt this the rest is obsolete.  I have two friends who are deep academic theologians,  scholars and believers.  Both read  Greek  and Hebrew.  I am going to email them and ask for some resources.

A note: Three years ago I was feeling good I recognized the signs of growth and change.  However,  I would have very strong doubts at times and feel uncomfortable with them.   One day I felt as though Yahweh said to me, “ your doubts are fine, they mean you are not stuck.  I want you to doubt because it means that you are growing.” 

My problem: my study has not kept up with my devotion.  As my thoughts and ideas have broadened I have not gone deeper into an understanding of my foundation.  I know the list seems scary and there have been moments when I have feared I am in danger of not believing but I know the key for me after writing this and really looking at it is that I have neglected deep theological study.  As it is the foundation and I have developed a great deal from just believing what people tell me, a good thing.  I have to maintain a balance of study AND devotion both are paramount to a healthy belief system.

And thus one of my prayers is answered.  Yahweh has given me a roadmap and sisters to keep me from sitting in the ditch whining.  I know this is going to be uncomfortable  thanks for being the type of women who won’t coddle me but challenge me to keep going.

Love and prayers for each of you today

.

Please be praying for us.  We are again attempting to start a family.  We told Kev’s mom a year ago we would have the gift she's always wanted for her next year on Mother’s Day.  I know Yahweh has a plan and I would really like for it to be me pregnant this Mothers DayJ.

Let me know how I can pray for you today.

Love,

h

Jenny's post, posted by Hillary because it's on my computer:)

Oh Hillary. You have such deep thoughts.  This year I have had so much time alone – far more than I ever would have desired. I started a new teaching job in July and since it is a year-around schedule (only this year) I have had several three or four week breaks throughout the year.  I think that those periods of rest have been good, but they have also shown me some versions of myself that are slightly unpleasant.  During the “crazy times” when I am teaching and flying around – life is like a merry-go-round.  When it finally stops I start to analyze the person that I was showing to the world. I desperately want my students to feel valued – through my words, actions, and unspoken looks.  I know that so many times I try to do all this on my own and come to the end of my day even more frustrated. 

So, I think that now I realize that I cannot “save” my students, but I can pray for them, ask the Holy Spirit to speak through me and use me, and that I need to keep doing things that feed and revitalize my spirit – like running, reading spiritual books, and drawing.  Then I have to let God make up the rest. Because, it is only through God that I can truly bless others.

Blessings - Jenny

Schange

“Life is not about any particular achievement or experience.  The most important task of your life is not what you do, but who you become.”

“The world badly needs wise and flourishing human beings , and we are called to bring God’s wisdom and glory to the world.  The truth is, those who flourish always bring blessing to other—and they can do so in the most unexpected and humble circumstances.”

“You are not your handiwork; your life is not your project.  Your life is God’s project.  God thought you up, and he knows what you were intended to be.  He has many good works for you to do, but they are not the kind of “to do” list we give spouses or employees.  They are sign posts to your true self.”

“Your spiritual life is not limited to certain devotional activities that you engage in.  It is receiving power from the Spirit of God to become the person God had in mind when he created you—his handiwork.”

I’m not sure what to write or how to start this out.  I have many thoughts especially about the above.  I must admit that at this point in my life I feel as though my hands are empty and the things I have always done the “spiritual life” things lay bare and empty before me.

 I have questions.  I have doubts that scare me.  I look at things I have always thought and ask myself why—which leaves me feeling unsure and terrified to look deeper.  I believe the problem is for several years I have drifted away from a foundation of scripture, more than several.  I am not sure how to find a new foundation.  I am in the land of rediscovery and I feel as though there is no map.  

More and more I have come to realize that the questions I have cannot be answered by anyone but me.  I have to search for them.  I have to search the scripture, know the scripture and ask Yahweh for guidance.  No one can tell me what my life should look like.  There is no pattern to follow given by others, no hail mary’s to be said.  It is me and a road ahead.

However I also recognized after reading the quote Jen posted, that spurred this all on, I will never succeed on that journey of spiritual self discovery without others to encourage me to continue the search.   We each have our own journey to make but we also have each other to help us get up and not quite when we want to

 Thank you for doing this with me.  I love each of you dearly and pray this is one of the sign posts to your true self.  I pray we each discover and put on “The me we have always wanted to be”. 

Love,

hil

A question that I would like to ask myself this week and honestly answer:

 Am I growing more easily discouraged these days?

Am I growing more easily irritated these days?

A beautiful wild morning

Good morning dear friends. I know you probably haven't looked at this blog yet but I am so excited to start I decided I would write a bit today. I am leaving town at 2:00am headed to a conference Deaf Studies Today. I will be seeing one or your dear faces (Jenny).

 I wrote this just a few minutes ago: The wind is raging outside.  I felt like I was sleeping on the beach it waved and roiled and crashed over our house as it slowly woke me from a peaceful slumber.  Now as it wails through the cracks of the doors and windows, I just want to hunker down ensconced in a warm blanket, the strong warmth from a cup of chi radiating into my cupped hands.

The Book

If God has a perfect vision for our lives, why does spiritual growth seem so difficult? Pastor and bestselling author John Ortberg has some intriguing answers to that question, and, in The Me I Want to Be, has organized his thoughts and God’s words into a straightforward and timely guide for living our best life. Through the campaign materials, Ortberg urges us to recognize our brokenness, to understand that God is the project manager, and to follow God’s directions. Ortberg also helps us gauge our spiritual health and measure the gap between where we are now and where God intends us to be.

Oh to grow. . .

‎"I desperately wanted to know Him through the depths of His Word, but I fear that left alone in the pursuit, the tyranny of daily life and the harassment of the Enemy would have eventually caused me to lose heart and go lite. With you along the road, I'm accountable. I can't just twist my ankle and sit in the ditch and whine for the next month. I have to shake it off and get back up and walk. It's a beautiful, beautiful thing, isn't it? And it's God's way. He did not mean for us to do this alone. He meant for us to sit next to one another, even hundreds of miles apart, point at His Word, and say 'Did you see that?'"

-Beth Moore
(Mercy Triumphs Study)